Recovering and Rebuilding

Another Christmas, Another Nightmare!

2010-12-24T19:06:00.000-08:00

As I sit here on this christmas eve alone, I'm remembering being assaulted sexually, and physically. To this date, no one has accepted my pleas for help and many organizations stated that they cannot help everyone. This happened in 2007 and I still hurt and have night terrors. I live day in and day out with ptsd and wo...ndering how long I can take it. It feels like no one cares and that any man can put his hands on a woman and take what he wants just because he wants to. In my case, I was told because "I said so"! I was called names and told that I wasn't **** and that he was going to show me I wasn't ****! People say that no one can alter your image of yourself but that is not true at all. I deal daily with the thought that I'm not **** and no one will help me get this thing prosecuted......he's still free.....

BE CAREFUL!!!!

2010-04-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

ANOTHER WOMAN HAS COME FORWARD.....4TH PRECINCT HAS RAPERS AND ABUSERS ON THEIR STAFF!!!! EVERYONE BE CAREFUL...X MARKS THE SPOT...

STILL DEALING WITH THE MADNESS!

2010-02-21T19:16:00.000-08:00

At this point in time, I am more angry and irritated than anything else! I had a court date with the Head Presiding Judge Costello on the 17th and all of my charges against the mayor and the police director were dismissed. I thought it was very unusual to hold a special date for a probable cause hearing but it is what it is. But it was held on the superior level. This time I did get a chance to speak regarding the nonsense that has transpired over the past two years. She actually heard it all without anger in her face and irritation in her voice. The crazy nut job that was in charge of the municipal level cases was a bitch on wheels and i actually felt like she was dealing with me like i was a child who was disobeying therefore she would give me the spanking of my life. KARIMU HILL-HARVY IS CRAAAZZZZYYYYY! !!! MOST OF ALL SHE IS A SELLOUT! Being on the bench should not deprive you of your ethical and moral responsibilities.

I THEN RAN INTO CHANNEL 7 NEWS!!!!

WOOO HAAAA!!!!

More to COME!

C

I FOUND THE COURAGE! I THINK!

2010-01-15T11:58:00.000-08:00

Courage to go 2 the FBI & to file charges against those conspiring 2 cover up my sexual & physical assault by the 4th precinct...I'm scared!

My Re-Traumatization - Part I (Night Terrors)

2009-12-26T15:06:00.000-08:00

I wrote this on December 5, 2009

It is approximately 11:30 pm and although tired, sleep will not come. Over the past week or so, I've slept approximately 2-3 hours each night. Deep inside I'm afraid to sleep because I don't feel safe. He's on the street and thinks he has no boundaries and knows that the systems think I am a piece of crap. What next?

I went to my post office box today and I had letters stating that my license was suspended in two states but I only have one license in one state. Besides that I can't drive because I have seizures. Now mind you, the original license was suspended in Jersey because of the tickets given me by that idiotic cop and the
tickets were thrown out. Now because of the initial suspension, I was given a letter waiving the fees from the judge but when I got to motor vehicle, I still had to pay the restoration fee. My license then was suspended again for the same tickets. Now it is getting suspended for six months???? for the same tickets???? For blocking someone's driveway???? On the same date the original tickets were issued by that same damn cop???? in that same location???? wth!

Back to the night terrors! When I finally do get a nap, I wake up violently screaming, waking the neighbors, and damn near running because I constantly dream that a cop is shooting me because one of my family members called them and they are climbing through my window. Every freaking night, the same nightmare
but with a different member.

Fear can cause a lot of things to happen to you. Right now my health is failing again. I've quit my job as a professor before the criminal record causes me to get fired. My eyes are tearing up because I love teaching the young mind and providing therapeutic services to our communities. I'm suffering with memory losses again and that usually comes with the seizures. I am freaking stressed out and afraid to sleep.

Yeah, yeah, I'm still a survivor but I'm breaking! The average person needs sleep in order to function. I'm barely sleeping!

That's it for now!

I F***ING GIVE UP!

2009-12-26T10:57:00.000-08:00

As long as I continue to fight being raped and beaten or assaulted by that cop, I will never survive. Yesterday was one of the most depressing Christmases in my entire lifetime. I spent the whole day alone. I actually don't trust anyone; can't trust anyone.

I look on all sites that I am affiliated with and I see petitions, causes, pledges, and ideas for animals, glbt, native indians, the middle east, darfur, congolese, and etc. and I support all. I see some have multiple sponsors and I have none.

Initially all I said was that I was sexually and physically abused. I eventually had to break it down and say I was raped and beaten. I see alleged everywhere and I'm tired. Are animals allegedly abused, are native indians ignored, and are african americans discriminated against. The answer is yes then why do allege something. I saw a petition about rape survivors. Do I need to qualify? Do I have to prove to rape survivors that I was raped? Do I have to prove to victims of police brutality that I was brutalized? Do I have to prove to victims of racial discrimination that I have been discriminated against and brutalized during the process? IF SO, WHY????

I'M BLACK AND I WAS RAPED AND BEATEN BY A WHITE COP WHO IS WALKING THE STREETS FREE! I'M BLACK AND WAS TOLD BY THAT SAME WHITE COP THAT I WASN'T SH** AND HE WAS GOING TO SHOW ME I WASN'T SH**! NOT ONLY WAS I ABUSED BY HIM BUT I'M BEING ABUSED BY SOCIETY AS WELL. I'm not signing any more animal or indigenous peoples petitions. I'm not signing any more petitions period! IF ANYONE CAN TURN THEIR BACKS ON ME, THEN NOW YOU HAVE MY BACK AS WELL!

I just don't want to deal with any of this anymore! I don't!

Christmas Without Love!

2009-12-25T17:31:00.000-08:00

This recovering shit is starting to jack me up SERIOUSLY! My soul is alone and cold and my heart is a part of that big black pit called my soul. It's 8:33 pm and all I've done all day is homework and be on this computer; writing, reading, and just plain old bullshit just to keep me sane and unthinking. Too bad I can't be unfeeling as well. I still hurt inside and all day I've been hearing fire trucks and police car sirens and wondering if my uh, loved ones are okay. The only problem is that I don't have any loved ones who love me. I'm lonely and not so depressed but being realistic, I am extremely disgusted with my life. I've experienced this feeling once before in my life and that was when I was a teenager. Well maybe twice, when I lost Suzanne. Wow! And Kirsten! Kirsten would be 9 or 10 and Suzanne, 7 or 8 years of age. Christmas is for children and mine are dead! Christmas is for family and to my family I am dead! In some ways I grieve them. I don't think they ever grieved for me. I'm tired of reflecting on what I don't have and so tired of thinking about what I will do in the future. I just know that I am here and I stay here not for me but for my mother who doesn't know I am alive unless I have something to give her or do for her. Sandie gave her grandkids and great grandkids. I gave her nothing but money and time for a glimmer of hope for an ounce of love returned. I HAVE NO ONE! BUT I'M STILL HERE!

HUNGER STRIKE

2009-12-18T10:36:00.000-08:00

I had a court date yesterday and I think I worked myself up so much going back in front of this judge that my body just broke down. I was very ill yesterday. I faxed a letter to the courthouse yesterday to make sure that the judge was aware because I honestly don't trust what the local government does so I have to advocate for myself.

I spoke with the courthouse today who stated that the court date has not be rescheduled yet???? They usually do that right away. I was told to call back on Monday to find out the court date.

If this case has been dismissed due to more biased behaviors on the part of the judge (Judge Karimu Harvey), I am officially going on a hunger strike until justice is received. I was raped and beaten and thrown into jail for a crime I did not commit and the cop is still walking the street. The fouth precinct in the city of Newark, NJ is full of crap. This case is against another cop from the same precinct as I am now a walking target. I have not stopped my usual movements but I am very cautious. Believe it or not, my license has been suspended for six months for the 3 tickets that peace officer issued me that were thrown out due to issuing the tickets and having the documents after doing an illegal search and seizure of my car. But still they come after me.

I've been an advocate for the impoverished communities for years. I've run groups for youth at risk on a regular basis and these adolescents were coming to me on a Friday night and were not allowed to leave unless I knew who they were going with and that they were going home. 80% of the adolescents that were in my group are either still in high school and getting average and above grades or in college with the same results. I've had gang members, juveniles at risk, and youths that were in trouble coming to me and they continued to come to group because they wanted to and not because they were forced to. I treat them like people and not like offenders. Structure is what I enforce now and have always enforced. I also provided them with a nurturing atmosphere where they could tell me anything they wanted to. My groups were psychoeducational as well as psychotherapeutic. I've always made the peace officer's jobs easier. These adolescents would sometimes call me when issues occurred and spoke with me to avoid situations from escalating.

I am just one more activist to get rid of! A statistic or problem to get rid of!

I WILL GO ON A HUNGER STRIKE EFFECTIVE MONDAY, THE 21ST IF THIS CASE HAS BEEN DISMISSED BASED ON BIAS AS HAS BEEN DEMONSTRATED IN THE PAST WITH JUDGE KARIMU HARVEY.

Please forward this petition to as many friends, family, and/or colleagues as possible for signatures. We must get rid of corrupt public servants.

Thank you All for your support!

Cynthia Johnson

Empower, Unite, and Succeed!

My thankless thanksgiving!

2009-11-25T20:02:00.000-08:00

I am at the end of my rope with these legal issues. The appeal needs to be filed by the 3rd and I don't have the funds to do so. I am a survivor and refuse to be a victim any longer. But I can be sad!

My night terrors have returned and my lack of trust is slowly diminishing. I have been betrayed and I don't have the energy to continue with this nonsense but I will continue however I can.

I am also disappointed in a lot of people and how they react to not getting their ways or in the way they manipulate others and situations to make a situation worse than it actually is. Most of you have serious issues and the only way for you to even feel any sort of power is by belittling others or to just try and make their lives miserable however you can. On care2, it is by sanctioning and blocking certain applications and this is only done by the supposed powers that be who are behind the scenes supposedly, but appear to show up at the most opportune times for themselves. For those people, shame on you and I hope you can sleep well at night.

For those of you who are caring and loving and non-judgmental, YOU ARE THE GREATEST GIFTS TO ME AS YOUR FRIENDSHIPS MEAN THE MOST TO ME! You are the reasons I am here and able to even write this share.

Everyone, today was a bad day, actually the last few days have been bad days. Lack of sleep is taking away my energy and zest for life and the constant flashbacks are causing me to lose faith in society in general and not care about anything.

I look to people to help who don't care unless they are getting something out of it such as the ability to gossip about something or just additional knowledge about someone that they should not have and believe me because my name is so common, people think I am a murderer, robber, and etc. but I am not. I am a caring person who looks after all or at least I try to.

On the care2 site and many others, the native american plight has been recognized immensely and I thank God for it everyday. I thank God that you are being given a chance to have your stories listened to and actually heard without judgment. On the other hand as a woman of African ancestry, the stigma still exists within this society that black is wrong. Black or whatever term some use for the minority existence is demeaning and demanding and not acceptable.

My news stories don't get noted properly regardless of what they represent, my petitions don't get the proper attention with the same results for other civil right's issues within the petition area. They are overlooked and this is acceptable behavior.

You have to be friends with the some of the major people on care2 or the power behind the site in order for your history and your causes to be recognized. I am speaking the truth as it has revealed itself to me! ALL I HAVE LEFT IS THE TRUTH AND I WON'T BE SANCTIONED WHILE SPEAKING MY OPINION ON WHAT I THINK THE STATE OF AFFAIRS ARE ON THIS SITE.

More than likely one of you will make it disappear or make me disappear from this site but you cannot make me disappear from the internet. I have survived attempted cyber-suicide and harraasment on care2 and especially on black planet. I have survived being attacked on here for African ancestry reparations and wrongs and called a few names far and in between. I have been provoked but that game is over, I WILL NOT STEP INTO ANY MORE QUICKSAND. I AM A SURVIVOR!

Empower, Unite, and Succeed!

Amicably submitted,

Professor Cynthia Johnson, MS
Founder and Director,
Recovering and Rebuilding

*With perseverance and hard work, success will happen*

Interviews with Policeabuse.com for during and after trial!

2009-11-18T05:12:00.000-08:00

As I sit and wonder what next, I keep asking myself will I ever regain trust for the systems that failed me? It is known that I am innocent but it is better to make sure that the code of silence is kept and instead destroy a woman who has worked hard to achieve something in life. I look to my left and to my right and see no one.....

I would not plead to probable cause like I was told to do or I would be prosecuted and might be subjected to 6 months in jail.

I did not and I was found guilty! Guilty of not doing what the judge states and wasting the courts time because I was not guilty. When you don't follow instructions, you must be punished, AND I WAS!

Exposed: New Jersey v. Cynthia Johnson for Being Young, Gifted & Black

2009-11-14T17:47:00.000-08:00

Exposed: New Jersey v. Cynthia Johnson for Being Young, Gifted & Black

AIN'T THIS A BIT**

2009-11-13T15:24:00.000-08:00

AND MY ATTORNEY ANTHONY MACK, ESQ SAID TO ME AFTER THE TRIAL, "SHE (THE JUDGE) PRETTY MUCH SAID THIS IS WHAT SHE WAS GOING TO DO". MEANING SHE WAS GOING TO FIND ME GUILTY AND EVERYONE ELSE INNOCENT. THE RECORDS STILL WEREN'T PRODUCED.....

AND SHE DID...

I'M CRUSHED AND HUMILIATED...

Cynthia Johnson - Interview with policeabuse.com - 11/12/09

2009-11-12T17:14:00.000-08:00

THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT THINKS I AM EXPENDABLE, AM I REALLY?

2009-11-09T06:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends, Colleagues, and Supporters:

There are three extremely time sensitive petitions on this page! Two of them have the actual up to date widgets (Change.org, and Care2) and one just has the link (please click on the caption, which will take you directly to the petition on GoPetition). My next court date is on the 13th, which is this Friday and I need to deliver the petitions to the targets before this date. All I am trying to do is make sure that all evidence is admitted into the court regarding to police phone records from 9/8/09, and police videotape records from 9/1/08, 9/2/08, and 9/8/08.

Please take a moment to read about this important issue, and join me in signing the petition. It takes just 30 seconds, but can truly make a difference. We are trying to reach as many signatures as possible before the 13th.

Once you have signed, you can help even more by asking your friends, colleagues, and family to sign as well. I need to get this petition to the targets before the 13th which makes this petition very important and time sensitive. I am being denied my right's to a just and fair trial. To the local government, I am Expendable!
Thank you,

Professor Cynthia Johnson, MS/MFT

Please Promote and Support Advocacy for Cynthia Johnson! Petition

2009-11-06T10:50:00.000-08:00

Please Promote and Support Advocacy for Cynthia Johnson! Petition

Please Promote and Support Advocacy for Cynthia Johnson!

2009-11-03T10:35:00.000-08:00

Petition powered by ThePetitionSite.com

"DO WE NEED TO CALL CRISIS IN HERE"

2009-11-03T10:21:00.000-08:00

Judge Harvey's first words were "Do we need to call crisis in here or does someone need mental health care here?". The entire defense side started laughing and they went back to their original stance regarding probable cause. NEEDLESS TO SAY IT WAS NOT ONE OF MY BETTER DAYS! HUMILIATED AND CONFUSED!